


Of cigarettes and coffee cups

by Mariiilag



Category: None - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Light Angst, One Shot
Language: Filipino
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:16:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27727370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mariiilag/pseuds/Mariiilag
Summary: You are and will always be in my heart, Love.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	Of cigarettes and coffee cups

**Author's Note:**

> My first ever one-shot so whoever may see/read this, don't mind it, hehe. I just need to get this story out of my mind and tbh, My mind is a mess so probably this will be too. I'm a frustrated writer(?) and kinda want to give this a try. A lot of grammatical errors ahead! Idk how the story will go so let's dive in together.

Blinding lights, loud cheers, thousands of people, and a lot of love yet all I want is another day with you. 

‘Are you ready to be serenaded by the one and only? Let us welcome the star of the night, AL Cruz!’ as I walk to the stage, the whole stadium got filled with wild cheers and screams of my name. It’s been years since I started performing again yet it still felt the same but different. Looking at my fans and their banners with love-filled messages never fail to make my heart flutter. They make me feel at ease but not as much as she does. For years, the stage and the people that surround and support me had been my home, my safe place. 

‘Good evening everyone! Thank you for coming tonight and waiting for my performance. As always, this will be dedicated to all of you especially to her.’ 

‘I love you AL!’  
‘AL Marry Me!’  
‘AL anakan mo ako!’ I chuckled as I hear their screams and as I strum the guitar, the squeals just got louder. 

‘I’ve been fiddling with my thumbs  
Trying to find the answers there’ 

Ten years ago  
I am in my room, fiddling, trying to get lyrics out of my head but I feel so dumb I don’t know any words to write for my song, then I heard the door opened. 

‘Hi, love! I’m here na’ kaya, my beloved girlfriend. She went to me and kissed my cheek  
‘Hi love’ I sounded tired as I greeted her back and then I looked behind her  
‘I brought food! I have nuggets and chicken wings dito. Your favorites! Kain ka muna before you try to write uli’ she’s so lively, this is one of the reasons why I love her, she’s a burst of sunshine and no one can ever resist her. She radiates energy and positive, perfect for me.  
‘Thank you, love. What brought you here?’ I asked because as far as I can remember we don’t have plans for today. 

‘Tita mama said kasi na you’re not getting out of your room and still not eating so I brought food para di is magutom! Haha’ she laughs as she lay in my bed.  
‘I’ll eat naman later I’m just finishing this song’  
‘Love naman, I told you not to force yourself to write if you don’t have creative juices pa diba. It might burn you out and for sure, mas stressful yun’ she never failed to remind me this.  
‘but love, this is my dream.’ To sing my originals at stage in front of people, in front of her.  
‘I know my future singer songwriter, but love, it’s a process, you can’t get there easily and it’s ok to take a break at times.’ I don’t know where she gets that confidence for me.  
I looked right into her eyes, ‘I love you’  
‘awwww, I love you too love’ she sat up, went to me and sat on my lap. She holds my face and ‘ love, You’ll get there eventually, I know that for I believe in you, and when that time comes I’ll be cheering the loudest!’ I kissed her as I thank heavens for letting me have my favorite cheerleader, my strength, and my happiness in one. Oh God please don’t take her away from me. 

Present  
‘And I have been wondering  
How it’d be if you’re still here’  
A tear fell as I sang, I miss her kisses, the tight hugs, her reassuring smiles and the way she believed in me. I miss everything about her.  
‘We could go and grab some coffee  
I know that you’d like that  
We could spend our Sundays bowling pins  
I know that you’d like that too’ 

Ten years ago 

My girlfriend loves simple dates, anywhere as long as we are together, she doesn’t mind. Parks, museums, malls, café’s, anywhere. Tonight I’ll bring her somewhere I know she’ll definitely love more than everywhere we went to. 

‘love, please tell me na. Saan tayo pupunta? Please, please, please, pretty please’ she said as she went inside the car and showed me her puppy dog’s eyes I could never resist but tonight I’ll try my best to, so I couldn’t spoil my plan.  
‘love please don’t torture me like that, you know I can’t resist that but I don’t want to spoil my kind of surprise? I don’t know but please love, trust me in this one’  
‘Edi don’t’ oh god he sounded like bimby  
‘love don’t be mad na, you’ll love it there’ I assured her.  
‘I love every place we went together, you know that.’ She’s still whining.  
‘just this one love. Haha. Go play your favorite tracks na, it’ll be a long road ahead’ 

She picked up her phone and played our ‘theme song’ or our favorite song for each other. 

‘Bawat ngiti, bawat luha  
Bawat gising, bawat pikit  
Bawat hangin na tinatanggap, bawat buga  
At habang ika’y yinayakap nang maigi  
Binubulong ang dalanging huwag sana maglaho sa hangin  
Ang bawat piyesa na bumubuo sa ‘yo  
Bawat piyesang nawa’y mapasaakin habang-buhay  
Dito ka na lang habang-buhay  
Dito ka na lang habang-buhay Dito ka na lang habang-buhay  
Habang-buhay’ 

‘Dito ka nalang love ha. Habang buhay?’ She looked at me as she holds my hand.  
‘Habang buhay’ then I intertwined our hands.  
Her playlist goes on as we savour the night, the music and the wind while we are on our way.  
‘Dito na tayo love.’ I stopped the engine and unbuckled my seatbelt. 

‘huh? What are we doing in the middle of the forest?’ confused as she looks at me while unbuckling her seatbelt.  
‘trust me love’ I went out and opened the door for her. Then I picked up the blanket and some take aways so we could have something to munch later.  
‘Where are we heading love?’  
‘You’ll see, come on’ 

I led the way, and as we got closer, her eyes got teary and looked at me. 

‘It’s so beautiful here love’ she’s crying now as she stares at the night sky  
‘yeah, that’s why I brought you here. I know you’ll love it here.’ We are currently in an uphill where anyone can see the night sky and city lights clearly.  
‘Thank you love’ she looks at me dearly that made my heart and the butterflies in my stomach, wild.  
‘I love you too’ I stared at the sky and God thank you for giving her to me. 

Present 

‘Would you smile if you ever saw one of my shows?  
Would you hum the words to any of my songs?’ 

You probably would bawl your eyes out of proud and happiness for me, right love? For you knew that this has always been my dream, our dream. 

‘I can’t explain how much I still miss you  
It’s been eight long years but I still feel you here  
Everything has changed  
Everything is different  
Without you here  
Without you here’ 

It’s been eight long years but the pain is still here love. I still long for you, your presence, undying love, and endless support. I miss you love, I still do hope that this is just a dream and I’ll wake up with you right beside me, but it’s been 8 long years love, can you wake me up now and tell me it’s just a dream. 

‘I’ve been looking at my mother’s eyes  
I can see the way she smiles  
And I know you told us to be strong  
But you’re the only one who could ever make her laugh that way’ 

Nine years ago  
I just woke up and it’s already 2 in the afternoon. In a while kaya will be here na because she suddenly wanted us to rewatch her favorite movie. Romance is not really my thing but it’s her thing so yeah, we will rewatch the movie. I went down to get something to eat when I heard kaya and mom talking. 

‘Anak, sure ka na ba talaga jan sa anak ko? Alam ko na batugan at makulit yan pero wag ka sana mapapagod sa kanya ha?’ did my mom just backstabbed me?  
‘Tita mama naman, alam niyo naman po kung gaano ako ka-sure jan sa anak niyo. AL is everything I wanted for the man I would want to spend my life with’ Lord akin na siya ha, please don’t take her away from me.  
‘Anak, alam mo namang anak na rin kita, higit ka pa sa pagiging girlfriend ni AL, dahil ikaw mismo, anak na kita, sa puso ko alam ko na anak kita’  
‘tita mama! Ang aga aga pinapaiyak mo ako, ano ba yan sayang naman mascara ko, bigay niyo pa naman yun!’ natawa si mama sa naging dahilan ni kaya  
‘ikaw talagang bata ka, mascara pa talaga ang una mo naisip. Ay siya, gisingin mo na si AL doon anong oras na tulog mantika pa naman yung batang iyon!’  
‘luvyou tita mama! Puntahan ko na po si AL sa taas, dalhin ko na rin po itong pagkain na inihanda niyo. Thank you po!’ 

At dali dali nga ako bumalik sa kwarto ko para magkunyaring di ko narinig ang kanilang usapan. Narinig ko na bumukas ang pinto kaya’t lalo pa akong nag kunyaring natutulog pa 

‘love? Gising ka na. Bangon ka na jan, alam ko na gising ka, tumigil ka jan nakita kitang tumakbo paakyat’ at dahan dahan ko nga ibinaba ang kumot at ngumiti sa kanya.  
‘so, how was that mini heart to heart with mama?’ I teased her  
‘love’ then she started crying  
‘hala, bakit love?’ I hugged her  
‘kasi naman si tita mama pinapaiyak ako. I couldn’t believe that she loves me that much. My heart is so full just with your mom’s love’ ito na siguro ang mga luhang idinaan niya sa biro kanina sa harap ni mama.  
‘love, anyone who knows you definitely love you as much. Who could resist you? No one love. You are that precious and I’m thankful that you love mama as much as she loves you.’ It’s really a big thing to me knowing that they have that kind of bond.  
Mama never had a daughter kasi. It’s just me and kuya so she longed for a daughter and then kaya came. She’s so happy to meet her. I remember the time I introduced them to each other, I brought kaya here in our house and in just a few minutes, I feel so out of place in our own house because kaya and mama have share the same vibes, has the same preferences that I think only girls could relate to and they are too into their conversation I think they forgot I was still there, but seeing that moment was heartfelt for me. 

Present 

‘I swear I’ve tried  
To find my own way’ 

I did love, look at me now living the dream we always wanted. It felt great to accomplish this much but I’m not as happy as I should be because you aren’t here. I am still trying love, I’m trying so hard for me to be truly happy even if you’re not beside me, because this is all you ever wanted right? For me to be truly happy, that’s why you sacrificed yourself for me. 

‘I can’t explain how much I still miss you  
It’s been eight long years but I still feel you here’ 

Eight years ago 

It’s our 3rd year anniversary and we wanted to celebrate it at the uphill where I brought her, but this time we had much more things.  
‘love, are you ready?’  
‘Yes love! After seeing the night sky the last time we went there, now I am so excited to see the sunset naman!’ and she looked at me with that priceless smile. 

‘ok, let’s go na’ 

Kaya picked her phone up and this time she’s played the song its not a new song, I think it has been released few years back but we discovered it just a few weeks ago and it became one of our favorites. 

‘I met you in the dark, you lit me up  
You made me feel as though I was enough  
We danced the night away, we drank too much  
I held your hair back when  
You were throwing up  
Then you smiled over your shoulder  
For a minute, I was stone-cold sober  
I pulled you closer to my chest  
And you asked me to stay over  
I said, I already told you  
I think that you should get some rest  
I knew I loved you then  
But you’d never know  
‘Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go  
I know I needed you  
But I never showed  
But I wanna stay with you until we’re grey and old  
Just say you won’t let go  
Just say you won’t let go’ 

This song king of summarizes our Love Story, I did met her when I was at the dark, I was at my lowest. I was at a coffee shop, trying new environment, hoping I could get some creative ideas out of there that I could use for my songwriting, I was forcing myself to come up with words when I suddenly overthinked and had a mental breakdown, I felt hopeless, lost and empty all at once. Then suddenly she went to me, hand me a bottled water, sat beside me and wrote down something in my notebook before she handed it to me. ‘If you need someone, I am here’ then I looked at her. 

‘uhm, I know we are basically strangers but I feel like you need someone right at this moment and I don’t have something important to do, I can listen or just be here for you. Omg if you’re uncomfortable I can leave now.’  
She got up and about to leave but I don’t want to feel alone so I held her hands to stop her. She looked at me and smiled. God it felt like I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.  
After that incident, we kept in touch, until I asked her out and good Lord she agreed. She was my saving grace, the reason I had hopes again, the reason I continued to pursue my dreams again. Her love gave me strength and courage to be true to myself. I don’t know what I did to have her in my life but thank God I have her. To be loved like this is something I never knew I needed until I had it, and I’m doing my best to love her as much. 

‘We are here na!’ she hurriedly unbuckled her seatbelt and went out to get some of our things. I can tell that she’s really excited to see the sunset here.  
‘let’s go na’ I said as I got all the things we brought. 

She was hopping as we go to the part where the sunset can be seen. 

‘God it’s so beautiful, we arrived just in time love’ she stopped at her trails as she stares at the sunset.  
‘Yes, God it’s so beautiful’ I said as I stared at her, she is much more beautiful than the sunset. 

After the sunset, as we wait for a more clearer night sky, we started preparing the tent and the foods we brought. We will be staying here still sunrise that’s why we had more than the last time we went here. 

After we set up the tent, we went inside and watched a movie in her laptop, it is called ‘I still believe’ it was a great movie, it told a story of an aspiring singer songwriter and the girl he met a concert, the girl was sick but through prayers and miracle she recovered and they married each other. While they were in their honeymoon vacation her sickness came back and the rest is history. Kaya bawled her eyes out while watching the movie and had swollen eyes after it. Good thing I packed one of her favorite sweets so she can calm down. After that heartfelt movie, we watch something light and funny until it’s already midnight. 

‘Love, I won’t ever be tired of looking at the night sky. The moon, the stars, they shine so beautifully’ 

I looked at her and held her hands,  
‘They knew you’ll be watching them tonight that’s why they shine brightly for the sunshine of my life’ 

She then looked at me and kissed my cheek,  
‘Thank you love, for bringing me here again.’  
‘Anything for you love’ I said as I kissed the back of her hands.  
‘Love, sure ka na sa akin?’ she suddenly asked  
‘Of course love. I was praying for the day where I could finally meet my great love and Since the day I asked you out and you agreed, I knew that you are the answer to my prayers, that you are the one for this lifetime or maybe until my other lifetimes, why?’  
‘Wala, I’m just so happy that I have you, people think na I’m the only one who gives more in this relationship but they what they don’t know about is how happy I am to be loved by you, they never saw what you did to me and everything that you are to me, and I just want you to know na, ako rin, sure na ako sayo.’ God I’m so inlove with her.  
The night went through, we talked about our dreams for each other, our future plans, where would we want to live, what age should we get married, how many kids would we have, how can we get through the challenges and all. I can’t wait to celebrate every milestones we will ever have with her. This night just made me fall deeper in love with her. 

The sunrise came and it was as beautiful as the sunset was. Another day has come, another hope and maybe a new beginning for some. 

We are on our way home, feeling kind of tired for not having a time to sleep because we really did wait patiently for the sun to rise beautifully. Kya wanted to sleep and I’ve been telling her to sleep na but she’s forcing herself not to because she said I might get bored if she slept, and she doesn’t want that so when when we passed by a café she ordered some coffee to keep her awake. I am not a fan of coffee so I did not order and just settled with water. 

As we were back on the road, jamming to her playlist, singing our hearts out, until I noticed that the truck behind us looks like it lost it’s brakes and I tried to get out of it’s way while focusing on the truck behind, everything happended so quickly I saw kaya quickly unbuckled her seatbelt and went in front of me because I didn’t notice that we are about to crash into the truck in front of us. 

‘I love you’ and then she closed her eyes. 

Present 

‘Oh, I can’t explain how much I still miss you  
It’s been eight long years but I still feel you here  
Everything has changed  
Everything is different’ 

After that accident, lost myself. I didn’t know what to do without you. I feel so numb and empty, I didn’t want to live anymore. I blamed myself, I was more than broken. 

Eight years ago  
I woke up feeling numb all over my body, white walls and different apparatus are the only thing I saw. Until the door suddenly opened, mama was crying and everything went back to me. 

‘Anak! Finally you’re awake now. Its been days, thank God anak. Thank God.’  
‘Ma? Wheres kaya? Please tell me where is kaya’ I don’t know why I started crying  
‘Anak? Kaya is resting na’  
‘Resting where ma? Please bing me to her, I need to tell her that I’m sorry, it’s all my fault ma, bring me to her ma, please’  
‘She’s resting in His presence na anak’  
‘Ma?’  
‘The damage caused by the accident was too much for her anak, she was resting on the spot and the responders didn’t had any chance to revive her’  
‘No, ma. She wasn’t dead on the spot, I heard her! I heard her saying that she loves me. Ma, I didn’t had the strength to tell her that I love her too. Ma, no please. No. Ma. Mama. Please. Ma. Mama.’  
‘Anak, she’s in His presence na’  
‘No ma. We have plans ma! We just talked about it the night before. We will chase our dreams together, marry each other after a few more years, have kids, and we will grow old together ma. We already talked about it. Ma no.’  
‘Kaya’s parents already prepared her funeral, they wanted you to be there, they are not mad at you anak. Now you need a few more days till you can get discharge here, there wasn’t that severe damages to you because kaya used herself to protect you.’  
I lost words the moment mama told me about her burial. I couldn’t hear anything, I couldn’t feel, I became numb, and lost. All I did was cry silently. 

Present 

‘Everything has changed  
Everything is different  
Till I’m with you’ 

I will wait for the day I’ll have you in my arms again my love. 

Eight years ago 

True to Mama’s word after a few day I git discharged. It has been days since I am at home, I can’t sleep nor eat properly, and now I don’t have the courage to face kaya’s parents, and see her lifeless. I couldn’t take that much pain, but tomorrow is the Last day of her wake and on the next day they will be her burial. That’s why I tried to gather myself, for the last time I will see my love.  
Mama went with me, I couldn’t get out of the car, I still am scared, I don’t know what to do until mama hel my hands. 

‘kakayanin mo ito anak, kakayanin mo.’ 

We went out of the car and the moment I saw her parents I knelt down crying and begging for their forgiveness. 

‘Tita, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t want that to happen, I tried tita. I tried.’ I was cryings so hard.  
‘Anak, kaya wouldn’t want to see us crying right now wont she? Cmon na. She’s been waiting for you’ tita was trying so hard to be strong aand maybe I need to try too.  
As we walked to her casket, my heart broke even more. Her face looks so calm, she still radiates the same.  
‘Hey, love. How are you doing up there? Is is cold there? Too bad for you I can’t hug you there. Are you happy there? Because I long for you here love. I don’t know how to live now that you’re gone. How about the plans we made? How can I accomplish those alone? Love I need you here. Love please. Love’ and I broke down again. 

My body was too tired for not having enough sleep and for not eating property that crying too much made me faint.  
______

I woke up the next day, its now her burial. I went with mama and when the priest asked for the last message for her, I was on the list so I gathered up anything could to stand up and talk. 

‘Hi, I am AL, you all probably know me I am kaya’s boyfriend. As she is to everyone, our ball of sunshine, but for me she is my saving grace, my breather. Her love makes me brave, gives me strength and have courage to face tomorrow. She was at my lowest, always been so supportive, she believed in me more than I ever did in myself. She was the reason I wanted to be successful because she deserves everything in the world. 

Love? I’m sorry but I don’t know how I can live my life without you now, I lost you love. I hate that God needed another angel and picked you. Love how to continue, love I can’t let you go. I’m not ready to. 

I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you that I love you too the last time you told me that you do. Thank you for the happiest 3 years of my life. You mattered to me more than I could ever know. For the I’m sorry love but I don’t know how to be happy again now that you’re gone. I love you.’ 

After the message I couldn’t take it anymore I went back to the car and just cried there. I can’t take the pain seeing them bury kaya. I just can’t. 

While waiting for mama to pick me up, tita went to me. 

‘AL, anak? I know its been hard for you to be here but I was in her room last night and I found this. I  
think it’s for you. Be strong anak, kakayanin natin ito’ she smiled at me before waving her goodbye’s. 

Present 

‘Oh, I can’t explain how much I still miss you  
It’s been eight long years but I still feel you here’ 

Thank you for still giving me strength my Love, till I meet you again. 

Seven years ago 

It took me a year before having the courage to open up the folder tita gave to me at the burial of kaya. Inside, there are 2 papers inside, a letter for me and a devotion. 

The letter 

Hey Love! I actually don’t know why I am writing this letter to you but anyways I just want to tell you how grateful I am you have you in my life. You lived up to your name, dahil sayo kinaya ko na umalpas sa mga rehas ng buhay na nagpipigil sa akin para tunay na mabuhay. Naka alpas ako sa mga rehas na ako mismo ang naglagay para sa sarili ko. Salamat mahal, alam ko na hindi man tayo ganoon pa katagal, pero sigurado na ako sayo. Sigurado na ako sa pagmamahal na ibinibigay mo. Kaya sana gaya ng pag alpas ko, ikaw naman ay kayanin mo, gaya ng pangalan ko, kaya mo abutin ang mga pangarap mo. Kakayanin mo mahal. Naniniwala ako, anumang iharap sa iyo ng buhay, naniniwala ako na kakayanin mo. Gaya nga sa kanta ng Coldplay  
‘you could be  
Someone special  
You’ve got bright in your brains and  
Lightning in your veins  
You’ll go higher then they’ve ever gone  
In you I see  
Someone special  
You’ve got fire in your eyes and  
When you realize  
You’ll go further then we’ve ever gone’ 

Kakayanin mo mahal. Iloveyou! 

\- Kaya 

The Devotion 

Mark 11:24, ESV  
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 

Lord, I lift up AL to you. Guide him for he is stubborn at times, show him your plans, and strengthen him for every challenge he will have. I may or may not be with him until the very end but I know that you will Lord. I am never sure of what tomorrow would bring but I lift him up to you. Bless his heart with goodness, and his mind with your wisdom. Lord I have never loved someone this much, you are and will always be the foundation and center of our love. And God, if ever he may lose himself again while being in your process, I hope he will always remember the Love You and I have for him. May he always have that smile and courage to carry on. I love him with all my life Lord, thank you for letting us meet each other.  
Amen. 

Present 

‘Everything has changed  
Everything is different  
Till I’m with you  
Till I’m with you  
I’m with you  
I’m with you  
I’m with you’ 

You are and will always be in my heart, My greatest love. 

~The end. 

Songs used:  
Of cigarettes and coffee cups – Haru  
Bawat Piyesa – Munimuni  
Say you won’t let go – James Arthur  
Miracles (Someone Special) – Coldplay

**Author's Note:**

> Kapag narito ka na, salamat!


End file.
